Sunday, November 22, 2009

The Car (1977) "The car, he's in here!" HE! i love you car. You are so smart you were able to get inside that guy's garage. You are so much a better actor than those losers. Yes, Ronny "the ground was hallowed" Cox and James Brolin, who plays cat and mouse with a car from the depths of hell, while allowing his dumb girlfriend to get mauled by the car. Check out those sweet maneuvers by the car. Good job car. [rating: **]-Kenyon

The Thrill Killers (1964, black and white) [rating: no stars] Low-budget snoozefest about a bunch of escaped insane men terrorizing the locals. Unnecessarily long chase scenes were tacked on to fill the 70 minutes. In fact, (from wikipedia) "The original film was to focus around the three mental patients, but Steckler found that while directing the film (with little to no set script) that the film was not running long enough and therefore began to shoot scenes with him as Click." [rating: no stars] -Kenyon

Monster in the Closet (1986) Troma horror comedy with intentional movie cliches. The monster, which is actually kinda cool, hides in closets, grabs people and throws clothes out of the closet. After even the military can't stop the monster that soon threatens the entire world, the cameo-filled cast concludes that they must destroy all closets. [rating: **] -Kenyon

Bite Me (2004) Mutated spiders attack humans at a strip club. Embarassing acting and dialogue along with amateur monster effects makes this Z-grade movie awful in a bad way. Big waste of time, even when fast forwarding. [rating: no stars] -Kenyon

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