Thursday, October 15, 2009

movies left for dead.
this has nothing to do with halloween coming soon. i do this all year round, suckerrrr!

Blood Sucking Freaks (1976) Misleading title and cover--there is only one freak that does any sucking and it's only one scene. The original title was actually The Incredible Torture Show, which makes hella more sense. Hella hella hella. BSF is a gorey S&M torture film that overcomes the dreadful acting with dismemberment, nude slave brainwashed girls and a leader of the freakazoids (whose sidekick is a black midget) who periodically enjoys getting submissive just like his slaves. Over the top shock value for its time and effin bizarre to say the least. [rating ***] -Kenyon
See No Evil (2006) * Typical slash trash, but note that it "stars" Kane from WWE. In the weeks prior to its release, the WWE was promoting this and had Kane tie it in to the drama on the show. Everytime someone spoke the date of its release--Rey Mysterio got tricked into doing this--Kane would come out and go berzerk and beat down on whoever said it. The thing that stood out and sucked like a sore thumb was that the biggest jerk of the group of kids/victims was one of the survivors. Kane should have choke-slammed the shit of him. [rating *] -Kenyon

The Hitcher (2007 remake) All these jerk writers can't think of something new. Remakes/re-imaginings/whatever of Friday the 13th, Halloween, My Bloody Valentine and Last House on the Left have put a damper on the horror genre. Although Hills Have Eyes remake effin RULED. Original Hitcher wasn't widely remembered or is a cult classic. With improved effects it can only make junk like the new version more bloody and violent, which makes this a reason to see. The Hitcher is indeed predictable, although the roles of the boy and girl are reversed from the first film. It's also more implausible than the average horror movie. The maniac that stalks and plays mind games has little character and it hurts the movie's substance, not to mention his ability to easily and quickly pursue them. The reasoning for his actions--which results in the destruction of most of the New Mexico police force!--are avoided, albeit for the last scene in which he suggests that it "feels good." [rating **] -Kenyon

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